In His Eyes
by harllett
Summary: Adam Banks is known for many things. One of them is his bright blue eyes. But what do his eyes really reveal about the person he is inside? [One shot] [Hints at JA!]
1. In His Eyes

**Disclaimer** : I own zippety doo dah day.  
  
**Summary** : Adam Banks is known for many things. One of them is his bright blue eyes. But what do his eyes really reveal about the person he is inside?  
  
**Rating** : PG 13  
  
**Author's Note** : Argh! I'm writing Bangst! Hehe. This idea has been in my head for a while, but it woke me up at 2:15am this morning. I had to write it down, just to make it leave me alone. So this is a product of 15 minutes half-asleep scribbling at 2:15am. Keep that in mind, hehe.  
  
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**In His Eyes  
  
Adam's POV**  
  
"They're so blue!"  
  
"Use those baby blues Banks."  
  
"Nooo, not your puppy dog eyes!"  
  
"I can tell what you're thinking, it's in your eyes."  
  
Eyes. The most expressive feature of a person's face. No matter how hard you try to disguise your emotions, they're shown in your eyes. Or are they?  
  
People always tell me that my eyes are expressive. If someone makes a judgement about what I'm feeling, they explain it that way. "Oh, it's in his eyes," they say.  
  
But is it really in my eyes?  
  
Do they show how I'm trapped in a world where everyone expects so much of me, and I can't bear to disappoint them? How I'm so used to trying to please everyone I've become an Oscar winning actor at it, and no-one can tell any different?  
  
Do they show how practically since I was born my father has been towering over me, directing my life, making my decisions? He signed me up for hockey, and I could only play for the best team, and be their best player. When he eventually came to terms with me being a Duck I had to be their best player too. At the Goodwill Games I played with an injury to keep him happy. I had to go to the best school, and be on Varsity, the best team. On top of this I had to be the best mannered, the most polite, the most respectful. I had to be a straight A student, top of the class. Adam Banks, Golden Boy.  
  
Do they show how my father's overbearing presence controls my mother too? How my mother, a strong-willed, independent woman has become a nervous wreck? She packed in her career, he friends, her life – she's nothing more than a servant to him, someone to stand in the shadows and make him look good. She's hit the drink to deal with it – she doesn't think I know, but I do. I've seen her downing vodka straight from the bottle when she thinks no- one's looking.  
  
Do they show how my brother is so wonderful that I'll always be second best to my father, no matter how hard I try? How for years my brother has teased me, tormented me, always been one step ahead of me? He makes me feel worthless. He'll always be number one, no matter what I do.  
  
Do they show how even my closest friends don't realise what's going on? I may have the act down to a T, but it still hurts me that they don't realise.  
  
Do they show how I harbour such painful unrequited love for a certain goalie? Julie Gaffney. Man she's beautiful. How every time I'm near her my heart races, how every time she touches me I nearly pass out. How much it hurts that no matter what I do, she'll never want me.  
  
If it were in my eyes my father would know how he hurts me, how angry at him I am for making me this way.  
  
If it was in my eyes my mother would know how much I pity her, how I hate my father for what he's done to her.  
  
If it were in my eyes my brother would know how insignificant he makes me feel, how jealous of him I am.  
  
If it was in my eyes my teachers and coach would see how much pressure I'm under, how I can't cope with everything that is laid on me. How the load is too heavy, and how I'm buckling underneath it.  
  
If it was in my eyes Julie would know how I feel about her, how the past few mothers have been filled with thoughts about her.  
  
If it were in my eyes, my life would be so much simpler.  
  
In my eyes?  
  
My arse.  
  
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**A/N** : Hope it wasn't too bad an attempt at Banks angst, I know it's been done but I fancied trying my hand at it!  
  
Hit the review button – if you dare! 


	2. Author's Note

**Author's Note**  
  
Argh ff.net is really bugging me! Grrr, I tried to reupload chapter 1 to include this but it kept screwing up.  
  
So I'm having to do a whole chapter as an Author's Note which I really didn't want to do!  
  
Basically, it's been brought to my attention that (unintentionally) this fic is similar to one by NYGoldfish54 called 'Behind Blue Eyes.' I checked it out and they are kinda similar (though hers is better!) so check it out at

http:www. fanfiction. net/ read.php?storyid = 1406810  
  
Just copy and paste into your browser, but take out the spaces, and add two slashes after the http: (everytime I try to do that it screws up the link and the layout).  
  
I wanted to post this because I'm against plagiarism etc, and felt really guilty that I'd done something like this even without knowing! So yeah, go have a look! (And thanks Kristine for being so understanding)  
  
And sorry again for doing an A/N as a new chapter (damn ff.net!)


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